I gave up and left myself alone at some point. It was such a loneliness that made me regard myself unworthy, but I demanded that everyone should make me feel worthy; I became angry when I couldn’t find the approval I was looking for and this anger just led me to deadlocks. It was a loneliness in which I actually got angry to myself since I left myself all alone. And I expressed this anger in my experiences and even forgot about the real causes of my feelings of anger; I was suffocating myself through my ‘why’ questions and I never accepted taking any responsibility, looking for the guilty person in everything I went through. It was a day that I was very unhappy and angry to the people around me (it was actually me whom I was angry with) when I came across the website of Mr.Arabacıoğlu. I just dialed up the number without going through the website.
There was no answer so I sent an e-mail which said: ‘I don’t know what life coaching is, but I need someone who will tell me what to do, what I should do.’ I also covered up my weaknesses (!) and signaled that I tended to blame the people in my life, by telling how well-educated and well-equipped I was. Mr.Arabacıoğlu wrote me back: ‘You want to give the responsibility of your life to someone else, I am sorry but if you want me to tell you what to do, I can’t have any sessions with you.’ I was shocked.
What else should a life coach do other than telling me what to do? He called me after a while since he saw the missed call in his call list. He didn’t know that I was the person whom he just answered in the e-mail and he asked me what we could together. I told him that I was the person who wrote the e-mail but I tried to explain him that I wasn’t avoiding to take responsibility, I was very unlucky, I always had to experience the worst (!) and everyone was mistreating me. As if he knew what I was going to tell, he stopped me and told me that I had to take responsibility before we started to do anything… We found a common ground and I persuaded him to have sessions with me. The first session was quite tough. He told me things that I would never want to hear, such as: ‘The world is the way it is because of the way you are.’ or ‘Like attracts like.’ I was resisting totally. But Mr. Arabacıoğlu showed me how my ego tried to protect its position in order to protect me.
First, I accepted that I was experiencing my choices. Then I changed my choices. Before, I couldn’t ask anything to anyone because I was afraid to get the answer ‘No’. He taught me to ask and demand. He taught me to thank if my demand was met, and not to get angry if it wasn’t… Through his questions, he made me realize how desperately I needed other people’s approval. He helped me to enjoy the happiness of self-approval. Then he taught me to give without expecting in return. I realized that the giver is always superior than the receiver.
He made me let go of the rage I had inside and helped me to meet my real self through the meditation practices. I directed my attention to myself, I loved myself. Then everyone around me began to like me more. As I appreciated myself, the people around me began to appreciate me more. I did favors without expecting anything in return and I began to experience the most favorable circumstances in my life… I have never been a victim actually; I just didn’t know how else I could receive the compassion that the victims receive.
Mr. Arabacıoğlu has taught me how I could satisfy my needs. And I now satisfy my need of love, respect and confidence on my own. Even my walking posture is straighter. My voice has changed. I am not afraid of the ‘no’answer any more and I can tell my demands. I thank if my demands are met and I don’t get angry if they aren’t. Because I now know what my ‘love language’ is, I learn about other people’s love languages and I act accordingly.
Mr. Arabacıoğlu has taught me a lot. He answered every e-mail, every question. He always told the truth instead of flattering me. I learnt so many new things that it is impossible to write them all here… But here’s what I would like to share specifically: He told me to be happy. Being happy is really something that’s learnt. I found my treasure of happiness. I am so thankful to him for that. I wish that all of you can find your treasures of happiness…
Burcu E., Ankara - July 2012